Adult Life

I am a houseowner! Effective the first week of January. Halfway moved in. Half of my stuff is still missing. I got the internet and TV set up today. Hooray for Uverse! Still no couch, so I have to watch TV and knit on the floor. There are many things I've put off buying until I "bought a house." Now that I have one, I'm almost afraid to buy them. It feels so weird shopping for furniture.

Been looking up Roombas tonight. I've wanted one forever. Now I might actually get one. The thought makes me nervous for some reason.

Matthew said I am officially an adult now. Job, house, cat. There are no more excuses.

It's a lovely house. I should stop procrastinating on cleaning up my closet. Still gotta pull my clothes out of bags in the morning. Heh. Working at the store full time has also involved some getting used to. Mom almost ripped open an old wound tonight, but dad managed to steer her away from the topic and they left before any of the ugly stuff came out. I just have to breath, keep calm, and remember the past is the past. There is no place for it in the present. There are a lot of fun things to do at the store. A barcode scanner is heavily involved with this fun. It is exciting to scan and hear the beep! Right now the store is a giant seek-and-find.

Hoping 2013 brings new and wonderful professional and social changes. There is one thing I almost desperately hope will happen this year. A dream I can't shake. It's terrifying. Even with the future shining blindingly bright, I have this sinking feeling that I will meet the end of the year with a dull, numbing, disappointment and the vicious cycle will start again in 2014. I will allow my emotions to run high for January, but I'll turn them down in February.

One more trip this weekend and I'll be 100% moved in.

Accomplished

I just finished hemming one of my new pairs of pants with a new trick from Youtube. They look wonderful and the new method is much easier than the old. Afterward I folded them up, put them in my closet, and felt like I had actually done something.

Eight hours of my day goes to creating computer files for products I will never see the end result of. Perhaps this is what makes me slow down in the mornings when I'm almost out the door for work. I'm tired of sending my files off into the void, never knowing if they will actually be used for production. The end result is important. Not for bragging rights or showing off, but to know your project is done, finished.

Next year is going to be completely different. I will be in charge of writing the process and overseeing the end results. Some days it feels like I will be able to handle any obstacle. Others it feels like the overbearing weight of responsibility is going to crush me.

The most anyone can do is take it one day at a time. There's still so much left to plot before the end of the year.

Turning 24

Took a four day weekend for myself in lieu of my birthday. It was probably one of the best ideas I've ever had.

Friends came over on Sunday and we geeked out and played games. Yay! I really, really, really wanted to play Cosmic Encounter and that happened three times! I finished Old Man's War last month and it reminded me of CE.

Went back to work today. It was the pretty typical work sort of day. People came by with birthday wishes and I spent a good portion of the morning conversing with co-workers. I surprisingly received a package around noon. It turned out to be a flower delivery. Orange and purple roses! Matthew sent them as my second birthday gift. They are so pretty. I cannot wait to see what they look like in full bloom. Perhaps I will post a picture of them here. Currently still sitting on my desk in the office. I do plan on bringing them home tomorrow.

Got a few well wishing phone calls and text messages after work, but I really spent the most of the night enjoying things. Mostly alphabetizing and financial budget planning.

Geez, it's getting cold in here, but I don't want to turn the heat up.

Changes!?!?!

2012 is slowly winding down. Two more months left. It looks like a lot of things are wrapping up and a lot of things are unraveling at the same time. It feels like pieces are sliding and scooting into place for next year's adventures.

Not sure what it is about the October/November transition. I always wonder how the year is going to wrap up.

The corn maze was fun! We were champions and completed the Maize Quest. I saw a really cute cupcake the BBQ restaurant we went to afterward, but I didn't get it. My friend told me about some nutso cake order they got in at the Ingles bakery. All set and ready to go a little cupcake crazy next Tuesday. I'm going to make 48 of them.

Finished season 7 of Weeds on Netflix. Whoa.



“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu

The Zumba reMix

There is a new song for the end of Zumba class that is a remix of Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls" from 2009. It's pretty catchy and cheerfully infectious.

Finally, finally, finally, integrated new figurines from AWA 2012 into the ever expanding collection. No clue how I'm going to add to the collection in 2013. More shelf space will definitely be a requirement.

This year's AWA turned out to be a ton of fun. There were a lot of game show panels. Those were simply hilarious. It's true, my game show knowledge is limited, but they were still enjoyable experiences. Finally went to the Moonlit Forest Gala (ball). It was absolutely wonderful to attend such a fancy event. Looking forward to going again next year. Maybe I'll splurge on a super fancy dress or use the same method of retrieving the one I had for this year.

Learning LiveCycle at work. It's very exciting. Going in for official training next week. Right now they have us watching videos and doing practice forms to get acquainted with the basics of the software. Judging from what I've seen so far, probably going to have to learn javascript to get any of the super-awesome-cool dynamic functions they have in these videos to work. Something new to learn. Whoo-hoo!

Planning on going to a corn maze this weekend. Whilst I have no idea what to expect, it should still be fun all the same.

Buzzing

Four AM. I haven't been up this late in a while. In fact, this is going to be the first weekend in a long time where I will be completly on my own. Matthew is busy with his family. I have been traveling entirely too much lately and I am giving myself a break from the driving. I'll probably end up going into Atlanta some time tomorrow, but it won't be to meet anybody. There is a screening of The Room that I may go see. If tickets are still available when I wake up in the morning then I will work it into my plans. It will be interesting to have one of those cult movie experiences (and I will know a couple people who are going).

Sudden self-assessment: Crazier about movies lately. I attribute it to listening to a bunch of podcasts about movies. Knitting has also been revived from my childhood. Maybe I was just too young to figure it out then. Didn't really have a teacher either.

I want to find new experiences. We went to see a Doug Benson comedy show earlier this week. Freaking hilarious! Love his podcast.

Wish I could see my friends more often, but it would be nice if they called me for once. The trip out to see Ariel was a ton of fun! Took tons of photos, spent a lot of time catching up. It did have a couple low points, but the trip was worth it.

I should sleep. Gotta be alert if I want the lace shrug I'm working on to come out correctly. Sometimes I want to take an outsider's perspective of myself. Am I changing for the better?

Cards

Seem to have borrowed a lot of cards lately. All games.

Knitting obsessively has somewhat quelled the anxiety building up inside of me. I need a break from this daily cycle. Eat, work, eat, insert some hobby for hours, phone, sleep.

Got a trip planned at the end of April. Can't wait.

Ate a quarter box of ice cream after dinner.

When did I start feeling so lonely again?

Closing

Tomorrow (later today) is the last workday of 2011. It's been an interesting year, and I've managed to record all 363 days of it. Not sure if I'm going to continue this project into next year. I do like it, and it is nice to have something physical to look into instead of cramming it all into my memory.

I've been drifting in and out of loneliness all evening. I've been all sad and weepy lately, and it bothers me. It drove me to finish two Photoshop tutorials tonight and I found those Enfocus Pitstop videos I've been looking for online. Those will be nice reference points in the future.

After work yesterday, I sat down on my couch and read a huge chunk of Stranger in a Strange Land. I finished it when I got home today. The ending was weird, and I wanted to talk about it with someone. Unfortunately, the only person I know who's also read it is Matthew. I know this because I'm actually borrowing the book from him.

Unfortunately, he didn't call tonight.

I realize it's a sad and somewhat pathetic thing to look forward to a phone call. In the grander scheme of things what really bothers me is once I leave work, I don't talk to anyone else for the rest of the day. That's how it's been for the past three weeks. I did have the chance to socially interact with people after work during Zumba, but the classes ended two weeks ago and they don't pick back up till January. I missed the last one cause I stayed for overtime at work and got my dates mixed up.


Sent my socially awkward out to some isolated part in the state of Georgia and everyone else managed to find a life.

One bright spot for today: a field designer at work sent me a recipe for 'Peanut Butter Sweeties'. They're basically peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate on a pretzel stick. It sounds pretty good. Perhaps I will make them this weekend.

Looking forward to more adventures for the new year.

Exit Wounds

Finally got Mail up and running. I know I got berated by my other Mac using friends for never having successfully set up Mail, but I didn't need to since I knew the clemson.edu e-mail would expire in due time. Anyways, they've made it even EASIER since the last time I tried to set it up. Yay!

Spent all day listening to Adele, The Script, and Flight of the Conchords. A nice mix of being depressed to stifling uproarious laughter. It's really tiring to play the same script over five days a week. The old, "How are you? Good." Rinse, repeat x 2342378474857394845347 times.

This weekend was fantastic. My Clemson friends finally came to my apartment! I don't know what they thought about all the little figurines, but I expect to be adding to the collection by the end of September.

Oh, I had such motivation to write in this, but now I seem to have lost it.

Perfect Shots

Lately I've been thinking about photography. I know I'm not the best photographer, and I admit to having never really worked at it. I enjoy taking pictures, but I haven't really used my camera for anything in almost a year. It's a combination of forgetfulness and the desire to fully immerse myself in the moment. Too many times have I missed the best part of an event because I was looking through a lens.

Yet today, I sat in my car and listened to the rain in silence. It was a summer shower and the patterns the raindrops on the window were making were so random, yet beautiful. My mind immediately wondered how difficult it would be to get a perfect closeup from behind the windshield. It was strange, but it goes along with the flow of thoughts that have been running through my mind as of late.

A thought slammed into me while I was standing in between the multitude of soft drinks and liquid tea in Ingles. Someday when I look back at my life, I might just think twenty-two was one of my favorite years. I know I've been living by myself for a year plus some months now, but the self-reliance has really sunk in. Yet, I feel like I'm being extremely lazy compared to other twenty-two year olds. I have a full-time job, but I'm not doing anything to professionally better myself, am I? Maybe I am. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people; the only real competition I have is my former self.

Things seem to have slowly fallen into place and balanced themselves for the moment. It's strange to not have any real stress or drama. It's unnerving to find there aren't any huge problems or logistics to solve. Even more so, it's odd to feel so loose and happy.

My co-worker was talking about his vacation last week. He said he wasn't aware of the time of day during most of it. I wish I could identify with the experience.