Closing

Tomorrow (later today) is the last workday of 2011. It's been an interesting year, and I've managed to record all 363 days of it. Not sure if I'm going to continue this project into next year. I do like it, and it is nice to have something physical to look into instead of cramming it all into my memory.

I've been drifting in and out of loneliness all evening. I've been all sad and weepy lately, and it bothers me. It drove me to finish two Photoshop tutorials tonight and I found those Enfocus Pitstop videos I've been looking for online. Those will be nice reference points in the future.

After work yesterday, I sat down on my couch and read a huge chunk of Stranger in a Strange Land. I finished it when I got home today. The ending was weird, and I wanted to talk about it with someone. Unfortunately, the only person I know who's also read it is Matthew. I know this because I'm actually borrowing the book from him.

Unfortunately, he didn't call tonight.

I realize it's a sad and somewhat pathetic thing to look forward to a phone call. In the grander scheme of things what really bothers me is once I leave work, I don't talk to anyone else for the rest of the day. That's how it's been for the past three weeks. I did have the chance to socially interact with people after work during Zumba, but the classes ended two weeks ago and they don't pick back up till January. I missed the last one cause I stayed for overtime at work and got my dates mixed up.


Sent my socially awkward out to some isolated part in the state of Georgia and everyone else managed to find a life.

One bright spot for today: a field designer at work sent me a recipe for 'Peanut Butter Sweeties'. They're basically peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate on a pretzel stick. It sounds pretty good. Perhaps I will make them this weekend.

Looking forward to more adventures for the new year.

Exit Wounds

Finally got Mail up and running. I know I got berated by my other Mac using friends for never having successfully set up Mail, but I didn't need to since I knew the clemson.edu e-mail would expire in due time. Anyways, they've made it even EASIER since the last time I tried to set it up. Yay!

Spent all day listening to Adele, The Script, and Flight of the Conchords. A nice mix of being depressed to stifling uproarious laughter. It's really tiring to play the same script over five days a week. The old, "How are you? Good." Rinse, repeat x 2342378474857394845347 times.

This weekend was fantastic. My Clemson friends finally came to my apartment! I don't know what they thought about all the little figurines, but I expect to be adding to the collection by the end of September.

Oh, I had such motivation to write in this, but now I seem to have lost it.

Perfect Shots

Lately I've been thinking about photography. I know I'm not the best photographer, and I admit to having never really worked at it. I enjoy taking pictures, but I haven't really used my camera for anything in almost a year. It's a combination of forgetfulness and the desire to fully immerse myself in the moment. Too many times have I missed the best part of an event because I was looking through a lens.

Yet today, I sat in my car and listened to the rain in silence. It was a summer shower and the patterns the raindrops on the window were making were so random, yet beautiful. My mind immediately wondered how difficult it would be to get a perfect closeup from behind the windshield. It was strange, but it goes along with the flow of thoughts that have been running through my mind as of late.

A thought slammed into me while I was standing in between the multitude of soft drinks and liquid tea in Ingles. Someday when I look back at my life, I might just think twenty-two was one of my favorite years. I know I've been living by myself for a year plus some months now, but the self-reliance has really sunk in. Yet, I feel like I'm being extremely lazy compared to other twenty-two year olds. I have a full-time job, but I'm not doing anything to professionally better myself, am I? Maybe I am. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people; the only real competition I have is my former self.

Things seem to have slowly fallen into place and balanced themselves for the moment. It's strange to not have any real stress or drama. It's unnerving to find there aren't any huge problems or logistics to solve. Even more so, it's odd to feel so loose and happy.

My co-worker was talking about his vacation last week. He said he wasn't aware of the time of day during most of it. I wish I could identify with the experience.

Podcasts

I've been exploring the iTunes store recently; it probably has something to do with recently purchasing a shiny new iPod nano for my dad. Being kind of bored with no one to talk to or meow at might also have contributed.

Ok, rewind for a minute. I've had an iPod for the past five years, and not once have I explored the iTunes store. Why would I want to pay for one song where the only thing I get out of it is a few megabytes of data that might be lost should my computer ever decide to corrupt itself? Plus, I really like getting CDs. I just got a few, and it really saddens me to see the lack of good cover art these days. All that aside, I've started listening to Podcasts. I was fine with just listening to music at work, but let's face it, it's been over a year. I need something else to listen to, to break up the monotony of the 8-10 hour cubicle warfare. Every time I turn the TV on to catch the news, it's always showing missing children or something I have very little interest in.

I tried audiobooks, but I still hate it when people read to me. I just can't get involved with an audiobook. I can't curl up on the couch and let my imagination run wild while I absorb the words off the page. The motivation and curiosity to turn the page is just missing when I'm listening to someone else read. It's like getting trapped in a one way conversation where the other person just drones on and on about some story. Of course, not all audiobooks are bad. I know there are some very well done ones, but I still like the idea of reading a book myself.

Podcasts allow me to listen to funny and interesting stories while I crank out forms in InDesign or work through crazy customer supplied PDFs. It's been quite enjoyable so far. Unfortunately, I can't stop perusing the iTunes store for cool podcasts. I've already filled up quite a bit of space on it. I can barely manage to hit the 3 gig mark with the music I have collected in five years. Three days and I'm already up to 15 gigs because I added so many podcasts!

Life's just funny, isn't it?

To make it even better, I found the Animenation podcast. Yes! I might have found another source to keep up with the times. Which is what I really need since I haven't found a real replacement for NTUSA. That will always been the number one magazine in my heart.

Stumble On

Compliments of Stumble:

Road Rage

Lazy Summer Days

It's around 9pm on the first Saturday in June. I've been in Greenville since last night, and I've done nothing but relax. Went out and spent a few hours at Mr. K's this morning (by myself). There was some great stuff to be found! I bought a set of radio drama CDs from the Golden Era of radio. Can't wait to listen to them.

--------------

I'm returning at 2:00AM after dinner and a movie. We rented Black Swan. That was not what I expected at all. Granted, I only wanted to borrow the movie because there was so much hype surrounding it for a while. Had absolutely no idea what it was about beyond the synopsis on the back of the DVD case. It was a really good movie, but it left a lot of things up for interpretation.

I've decided to take all the frustration I'm feeling with myself and channel it into something that might be kind if useful. Maybe I really just need a new hobby to think about. I know by doing multiple things at once, I can never perfect anything, but maybe that's ok. The only constant is my desire to get better in Adobe Creative Suite. Yet, slugging through tutorials seems rather unappealing.

I have to re-cycle through a series of things or else I get bored. There are a variety of things that will never seriously fall back into the cycle, but maybe I will revisit them from time to time. Or...maybe I just need to revisit the things I did when I was younger, more creative, and ambitious.

Either way, I've decided to take up sewing again. So, I got my very own sewing machine today. I've used my mom's all my life, then I moved and discovered that having a sewing machine around is actually very handy. I've recently had to do all my alterations and quick fixes by hand. A machine will at least make fixing the hem on my pants easier and cleaner. Plus, this is my sewing machine. It's similar to my mom's but with a few new features that I'm really excited about exploring them. Time to put that scrap material sitting in my drawer to use.

Bought a new pattern on a whim. It'll be fun!

Strut

It's a quiet Tuesday night. There aren't any TV shows on, so I watched Volume 2 of Welcome to the NHK. That was pretty good. Very cute. I'm starting to like Misaki (main girl character) a lot more.

This past weekend was a lot of fun. I went camping AND whitewater rafting for the first time. Hurray! Stepped out of the comfort zone and managed to come out mostly unscathed. I did kind of bruise my knee on a rock when we splashed around in the lake on Saturday evening. At one point we had a campfire and we were all eating cobbler and looking at the stars, attempting to pull out whatever astrology knowledge any of us had. I never realized how bright the stars actually are. I always felt like it was something they emphasized in movies to stress how romantic or calm the scene is. Now that I've seen it for myself, I can understand why.

Sitting out there reminded me of a story I heard at the Rocky Mountain Science Center when I was younger. Something about the animals getting together after a blanket covered the sun. They tried to throw things and come up with ideas to get rid of the blanket, but one little bird decided to try flying straight through and he poked holes in it to let in the little bits of light we now know as stars. Does anyone else remember hearing that?

I spent my first three day holiday of the year having fun. On Monday, Matthew and I walked around some random antique shops in Dillard; then we paid a visit to Goats on the Roof and had ice cream. I had vanilla bean ice cream on a cone. It's been so long since I've done that. As I got older I started getting a scoop of ice cream in a cup with a spoon. Racing the heat to lick the ice cream off the cone almost made me feel like a little kid again.

While I do still get excited when the ice cream truck goes by under the window at the apartment complex, I haven't gone down and bought any. For some reason the memory of a blue bugs bunny ice cream bar really sticks out. I got that all over my dad's old car.

And now, it's time for sleep. Hehe.

Creatively Blocked

I can't come up with any ideas for the poster contest at work. I sketch, doodle, draw, and stare at a blank piece of paper, but I just don't like anything I've come up with. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

This was a good weekend. Went to the drive-in on Saturday night to see POTC4 and Thor. Got hit in the forehead with a frisbee. It didn't hurt so much as it surprised me. I couldn't stop laughing.

I forgot how nice it was to just swing back and forth through the air.

Hey Mr. DJ, let the music take me underground.

How long do you think it takes to fall in love?

According to Someday's Dreamers it's 2.5 episodes.

This show is turning out to be mediocre. They've got a weird blend of 2D and 3D animation going on whenever a mage uses their power. The characters are also turning out to have predictable backstories and feelings.

I guess it's ok to watch something like this once in a while. Honestly, I got the first volume from Netflix and thought it was going to be a six episode series following the lives of individual women. Then I popped it into the DVD player and realized I was thinking of Diamond Daydreams.


PS: Now I really want to watch 5 cm Per Second

I'm kinda hungry, but I don't feel like getting up yet. It's the kind of feeling you get when you know you're about to feel something, but the impact hasn't come.

So, I just discovered in the past ten minutes through facebook that two more of my friends have gotten married or engaged. It's getting kind of weird to think of all these people in long-term (hopefully everlasting) relationships. Especially since I can remember when one of them was crazy about another guy several years ago. They were practically inseparable for a while. Now she's married to someone else. Of course, I haven't talked to her in several years, nor do I really foresee talking to her again anytime soon. How times have changed.

Not to mention that fact it's kind of creepy to find stuff like that out on Bookface because they posted pictures of it. Hurray for social media?

Perhaps it's just this stage of life, but almost everyone I've had an acquaintance with in high school or college is getting married. If they're not getting married, then they're actively looking for a relationship (or at least complaining about having trouble finding one). It's weird enough to think about friends who are my age or a little younger with families already. Kid(s). A permanent connection to another human being. Weird.

Did I mess up somewhere? I listen to stories about dating and such, but I look back and realize there's not much I can add to the conversation that's not depressing. Or really, there's not much I can add to the conversation at all. I can't empathize with a lot of emotions. Nor do I want to tell stories about what I've seen or done.

Someone said they've known me for several years now, but there are still times when I reveal an interest that surprises them. Am I really that hard to "get to know?" I know I'm not open about a lot of things and I seem to have forgotten how to show mediocre interest. It's always either extreme dislike or excitement. Small talk has always been a terribly weak point, unless I am already very good friends with that person. I just feel like you should have a purpose in a conversation.

I don't really know where this entry is going. Just blogging out loud, I guess. It started with finding out about my friends getting married. Then I started thinking about how some people are always drifting from one relationship to another. It's possible some of these thoughts stem from Nana. Is everyone supposed to drift? If so, then I seriously messed that one up too. From listening to other people's stories, it doesn't sound like there is an instruction manual for any of this. How unfortunate.

I think I found what I want for the next gift giving holiday or whatever.

The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over the Lazy Dog

It's been a sort of long night, at least I don't have a splitting headache. ^_^

I finished Bones season 5 tonight. Man, what a cliffhanger ending. Watching Glee from episode one via Netflix. I miss when they had good music and cliche high school drama.

!!!

Just need 70 more DMR points to get one of the rewards I really, really want. *sniff*

Damn my obsession with character pins. Le sigh. They're just so cute though!


EDIT @ 7:26 PM:

I just went digging through my movie collection and I found a bunch of points just waiting to be redeemed. w00t w00t! Hurray! Yay! Shazam! Ya-hoo!

Meow. =^.^=

Mein Herr

I went to see Cabaret on Friday night with Michelle. I had not realized how many songs from that show came on my Pandora station. Nonetheless, I had no idea what the show was about. I just know Michelle wanted to go so I tagged along. It was a fun night. We went to this place called Club Jungle (that's where the show was), and then we hung around in the smoky blue atmosphere to watch the drag show that came after that. Hehe. Yes, that's right. A drag show. I don't think I've been around that many "curvy" guys since I was in New Orleans.

It was a fun night nonetheless. ^^v The rest of the weekend was pretty good too. Nothing out of the ordinary really happened.

It's almost Monday. OT got turned off. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with all the extra time I'll have. I'll be able to start walking to zumba class again. That's a plus, I guess.

PS: I want to add some more anime music to my iPod. Suggestions?

Mistakes

I finally made a mistake at work. These past two work days have been rather irritating. It's all ok though. I can only fix what I can. Just gotta keep smiling. Like my post-it note says.

Glee tonight was pretty awesome. I liked the new songs. Wonder what Josh and Michelle are going to say tomorrow.

Raising Hope was hilarious.

I can't believe I'm really talking about TV.

There hasn't been anything too exciting going on. Went up to Clemson with Matthew last weekend and played board games with his friends. Yay. That was seriously a lot of fun.

Zumba party this weekend, but I skipped class on Monday to work till 7 pm. John might be right. I don't have a life. Le sigh.

I have a really neat PDF of a color wheel to put up on my cubicle wall for tomorrow. Gamut! What the crop! Gee-See-Are!

Work really isn't everything. It's just something to keep me from going crazy.

Balloons

I was in the grocery store on a drizzly Saturday afternoon. It was a pretty average trip as far as grocery store adventures go. I waited in the check out line and I noticed a guy with a trash bag over a bunch of party balloons. They made such an interesting shape lumped together. It's too bad they can only leave the receiver with a bunch of metalized plastic film and a few possibly good or bad memories. I wonder what they'll do with them? I still have all mine folded in a drawer at the bottom of my desk.

Wonder if I'll ever wake up to a shiny party balloon tied to my door handle ever again. It always made me a little sad inside to watch them slowly deflate and fall towards the ground. Perhaps I'll be the one tying a balloon to the door someday.

The "You may know this person" finder on Bookface found someone I haven't thought about since early high school. We used to be such great friends. Talked all day and night during the summer. He was pretty awesome as far as internet people go. I have no idea how they found a connection between the two of us. I doubt he even remembers my real name.

The binding thread between two people can be so fragile. I wonder how many of them I've accidentally severed in my life. I have never successfully managed to keep up with another person's life. Maybe I get selfish and get wrapped up in my own. It's always been a series of fading in and out. Strong frequencies one week and static another.

I forget. I lose sight of the bigger picture. What a terrible friend.

There is something in the shadows
More than a sister silhouette
Something sinister and strange
That I haven't seen yet
And I don't want to be alone

I might actually need a vacation from all this OT. I feel so tired. It'll be nice to a have a two day weekend.

Social Awkwardness Once More?

Chinese new year is just around the corner on February 3rd. Hurray! It will be the year of the rabbit. Go Momiji!

My parents suddenly wanted to do something for it, so we went to a Chinese New Year banquet held by the OCA. What that actually stands for, I'm not quite sure. I now know it's a national Asian Pacific American organization that has approximately 90+ chapters around the country. There just happens to be one in Georgia.

Dinner was ok. We had shark fin soup (I feel like that was the highlight), and 9 other courses. There was some disappointment over having fried fish instead of steamed fish, and something very reminiscent to popcorn shrimp at KFC was served. It was just slightly better, and served with broccoli.

I guess nothing's really going to be able to compare to the Christmas/New Year's feast we had when we went to Hong Kong a couple years ago. Now that was some gooooood food.

It was a fun time. I got to see the lion dance for the first time! Oh man, it was so neat! That made up for the terrible audio in the restaurant.

There's another Chinese New Year festival thing next weekend that I kind of want to go to. I may have made a new friend, maybe. Hard to say. I felt that age old shyness creeping up during dinner. If I do go, then I'll definitely have to bring my camera.

On another note, there isn't much exciting going on. I did finally get to hang out with my friends in Clemson last, last weekend. Hehe. Good times. I really miss hanging out with them.

LBP2 is awesome. Ruka is cute. My fridge is currently stocked with an insane amount of food.

A lack thereof...

It's January 18th. A day that seems to keep cropping up with all sorts of happy and sad events for me; as someone said, "It's just a day."

LBP2 was officially released.

I still don't have my copy.

Work was kinda rough.

Snow Days

It's turned into a crazy winter here in Clarkesville. Apparently it started snowing at exactly midnight on Sunday, and that lasted on and off through most of Monday afternoon. At least it was very pretty. Super powdery stuff, I almost wish I could have gone out to play in it, but the most I did outside was brush the snow off the top of the car. There's so much snow, in fact, that we are under a winter weather advisory. Just like 40 something other states right now. Hurrah! Snow!

I'm not sure if I meant those last two bits with sarcasm or not.

I had to use a vacation day to cover yesterday since I couldn't go into work and the service center was apparently still open (for half a day anyway). This morning is turning into a mess just trying to figure out if I should even attempt the journey or not. Black ice and frozen surfaces galore. I think I enjoy living and breathing at the moment, so I've called in and said I'm not even going to try it. The weird thing is, I had to call my team leader in another state to tell her since I can't get in contact with anyone in Toccoa. Huh. How could a huge company NOT have an emergency weather plan? 真的吗? *sighs*

So, it's another unexpected day off for me and I have no idea what I'm going to do. Right now I really wish I had bought Katamari Forever so I'd at least have another co-op game to play if Michelle comes over again. She came over yesterday morning and we watched a ton of movies until late into the night. It was a pretty good day given the circumstances.

Ruka was flipping out this morning. She may have thought I was going to try to drive to work. She's calmed down a lot since I called in and said I wasn't coming. Animals are weird.

Love Letters to start the day. Breakfast of champions.

I think I'll go find something to do now.